Observations

As part of my zen practice I have been observing myself and also the world around me a bit more consistently than I have before. Here are a few things that I have noticed in recent months.

1. Back in August I had the opportunity to witness an altercation arise out of a misunderstanding. I noticed the events leading up to it and even stopped myself in the middle of the sidewalk (yeah, yeah, walk around me!) to watch it play out. Both sides quickly retaliated and an intense shouting match ensued. I could see why both parties got upset. However, being that I was distant from the situation I didn't feel the emotions tied up with either party.

2. I've noticed that most people, myself included, will say anything to avoid silence. There's something about silence that makes people say and do things without really thinking about it. It's like an automatic response of 'just say anything!' I also find myself leaving the tv on when I'm home alone sometimes just to have some sound.

But we leave the sound on 'cause silence is harder.
-Regina Spektor, the Consequence of Sounds

3. I can come up with an excuse or explanation for almost anything. Sometimes I get to a point where I realize that it doesn't make any sense, but just cannot admit the truth to myself. Doing so, would compromise the things I've believed up to that point.

4. I've realized that there are a lot of sad and lonely people in NYC, as I'm sure in the rest of the world. A lot of people are really suffering.

5. I feel like I am able to slow down more recently, but when I sit I feel this great energy in my head. I noticed this when I went upstate as well. Being out of the constant movement of NYC, I still feel the movement even though my body's still. I mentioned this to a zen teacher and she said to just sit with it. Let it come and go as it will, don't try to analyze it. But then, I guess that's what being an observer is about. No analysis, just mindfulness.